Anthony T. Evans

So this is a general religion gendered devotional—it’s Christian; doesn’t actually make that explicit in the title, both because every religious person is assumed to be Christian, and most if not all actual descriptions of what sort of thing Christianity actually is at least risks dividing the flock, right: whereas he wants to inspire people—like hey guys: it’s God!…. And it’s gendered, actually it’s just the male sheep, lol: but yeah, gendered devotionals are curious—gender matters a lot to the Christian folk generally~ lots of toxic masculinity trying to reconcile its contradictory goals; lots of codependent mothers moaning by the fire, right. And yet: Christians often don’t ~admit~ that gender matters to them, right—precisely because it is kinda a bridge between the Christian aesthetic world of theologians, the Un-Nature God, and their minions and agents, right: and the lived experience of much of humanity, especially the non-Christian (and non-Christian-theological) world, where things are pervasively gendered, and not always as the Transcendent Male, you know. So there is potential there, among the non-toxic practitioners, right.

It’s also a Christian gendered devotional by an African American man: which is itself a layered thing—on the one hand, Black Christianity is an important part of Christian culture, and Black culture, and it has a certain significance generally, right…. And I don’t want “general religion” reading to be a euphemism for white power reading, the way it is in many Christian circles, right…. although they’d feel like it was like, municipal and unpleasantly fair and un-home-like, some of them, if they had like that one Jewish book like I do…. Inclusion of the Jews does weird things to some people, right: my dad totes thinks that white power or whatever he deigns to call it, transcends the Protestant-Catholic thing, as long as American Protestant white conservatism is coddled, right: but it’s like, he hears that some town or a few towns have an interfaith thing and he sees it as a “Jewish” guy (not more precisely described) and a Catholic guy—in many towns the largest Christian group—that get together, and he’s like…. 🙀…. Like, if ~Jews~ are included, it must mean we’ve made a ~comprehensive~ sampling of ~all~ the Christian denominations, right…. Like, that’s what “Christian unity” sorta means to him, right; it’s like…. Your fraternity brothers unite against the God Damn Independents, basically…. (Although he’d make a terrible frat boy: he’d be harassing people to put the drugs away, until the cops came, and then he’d shut up and be loyal to the group: but some jackass would probably lie and say it was all him just because he irritated him, and then they’d take him in for questioning or whatever, and then…. I don’t know. He doesn’t live in the real world; he’d be upset….). But yeah: it’s like, when I was like a young racist or whatever, I saw “Things Fall Apart” in someone’s book collection and I was impressed: I thought it meant that they had All Classic European Books, right…. Yeah….

But yeah: but then the other thing is: and this is kinda my delusion, right—because I read general religion as this thing of appeasing/settling with/calming the Power Religion Element in the population, right…. “Little did he know, how often Christians are the most passive, yet most inconsolable of men; consider the Resentful Patriarch….” (resentful patriarch) “People say I’m not the only person; what kind of an argument is that; maybe if I withdraw and silently show them my spite, everyone except for white Christian men will go poof! 💨…. But I won’t let them know I hate them; I’ll just sit here with this neutral expression on my face….” 😡…. You know, like: most of it is permafrost, you know, like—white Christian men pray; the Confederacy and the KKK are victimized by Hollywood…. You know, like you take a white Christian town like Ocean Grove: if you have people like that, and there are twenty guest speakers, and more than two are white women, and more than one is a person of color, then people would start muttering darkly about “politics” and “Democrats”, you know, (a Democrat is a person with political opinions; Republicans and Confederates and the KKK are people who pray, you know)…. And I just feel like I could easily get the white men part of general religion down to 50% or a bit lower than that right—but I just feel like that would be…. Like, I wouldn’t be being realistic, you know; it would be precious and quixotic, for a group like that, you know…. I just have this delusion that these choices I make are very important, lol: like it’s supposed to be a picture of the world, right; that presses a button for me…. I don’t like to think of it as this quixotic thing that the honest ordinary person or whoever couldn’t…. Although almost Anything other than the White Men Pray/Permafrost position IS kinda quixotic, right….

And the other thing is: Black Christian stuff: Black general religion, like not specifically Christianity-of-color divergent or cultural stuff, but like, assimilationist general religion—like the Old Guard Christian doesn’t just want you to wear the same color shirt as he wears, right: it’s like he wants you to get dunked in an acid bath and have every cell in your body get ~Dissolved~ and harvested and put in a jam jar with colored paper around the outside, that’s the same color as the shirt he’s wearing, right: THAT is assimilation/don’t need to get stomped on, right…. And in particular, it seems like many African Christian books, at least that get printed in English or in the USA or whatever it is, it’s like…. “(banging on drums) Praise Jesus! Praise God! Village burn no more, no more: village all ash now, burn no more!…. Village all ash at long last, praise God: it burn no more!”…. It’s like: and then, some conniving fellow who might even convince himself he’s a liberal, packages that up and ships it to America to undercut people who think that they should be allowed to keep ALL, and not just Some, or Most, even, of their blood in their body, right…. (Angry African village chief) What this? You complain? You complain too much—the British they take my chair! (very angry stare) “Whole village burn down incidents decline steeply over five year period”—this is what White Man say! But what you say, eh? Eh? You complain to White Man, whole village burn down not just three, four times a year—maybe six weeks! Maybe every month! (very angry stare) I say it too long since this village practice its Michael Jackson—Thriller (Tribal Remix) routine…. ~(collective moan)….

It’s like, plenty of bad things happen in Africa: but then sometimes the way that it gets documented props up the system that enables those excessively bad things to happen, right: that is also bad…. And some of it IS internalized, you know: like, Eights are delusional because they think that the whole world does nothing except plot against them and betray them; but Sixes are also delusional, because they think that the world is bad because ~they~ let the ~system~ down, right: the system had the right advice, and it had their back, but then they needed three hours of sleep after twenty days, and couldn’t function on two: ah! To think anyone could ~take~ as much from this world, as That, right….

So yeah: it’s not a political book, but that’s not as important as not being a specifically-deluded-precious take on politics, right—it’s about satisfaction through prayer, and a satisfactory personal situation: but it doesn’t explicitly teach that abominable conditions are satisfactory, right….

And it doesn’t seem to be as obnoxiously-pro-toxic-masculinity as much of the “Christian” male culture, or even much “non-Christian” male culture, at times.

…. (actually reads some of the prayers) Well—yeah. I’m so naive about Christians, lol; it’s not as romantic as I expected. It’s very hierarchical, right: the Timeless Hierarchical World, of the Christian Male…. I mean, I try not to over-compensate for how easy it is to mock vanilla Christian teaching, right: is over-compensate the word/concept: ah; it’s so confusing…..! 😟…. But yeah: Superstitious Folk Christian, upon hearing the phrase “vanilla Christianity”: (blanks out, then recovers, stuttering out), Vanilla was the flavor of ice cream that Adam and Even ate in the Garden of Eden, children/parents: that can never change; that is how it will be in heaven…. We cannot bow to this talk of ice cream having “flavors”….

But yeah: certainly there are some just generally useful ideas—like gratitude and bravery and so on, and even appeals to practicality and prudence, you know…. But yeah: very hierarchical, right…. The Un-Nature God is at the top, and then below HIM are his various agents and minions, right…. And then at the bottom….

Very prudent, you know. 👌

…. It’s a little romantic.

Obviously freedom, the ability to decline conformism, you know: that’s not on the table, in Tony’s Christianity; it’s not an option, and not open for debate. But it is true that he doesn’t consider himself a killjoy, right. He doesn’t consider enjoyment to be inherently anarchic and reprehensible. He actually seems to implicitly (as vague as people can be about words like “God”, right: the important thing is that we agree; we don’t actually have to know what we mean, as long as there’s no debate) view licit pleasure as an important social glue, right.

It is what it is.

…. For Tony, the Christian is to find his identity basically as a “Christ follower”; this is to the exclusion of “following people”. It’s curious how these two things are basically potentially in conflict, and the way it gets resolved is by forming , almost a Christian nationality, you know. And that “nationality” hasn’t always done good things for Black people and people of color, right. The “Christian nationality” isn’t exclusively a white supremacist project, but obviously it traditionally leans heavily on conformity and the status quo: not the best bet, certainly not the most ambitious bet, for the person of color in the West, right. Even in the 60s, still largely trad days, the “Black Muslims” and Black Power people wanted to change the game plan put forward by the pious church elders and Montgomery Bus Boycott veterans (who have probably slowly receded from the high water mark pious radicalism of the 60s, although I’m not an expert), and kinda forced people to play a different tune, you know.

And let’s face it: sometimes the rapper ISN’T as quietly scary as the pious Black church elder type, right.

Are you trying to insult me, man…. No? Alright: but think next time. (taps own skull; makes gun with hand, laughs)

I am very offended. You have insulted not me—but the person of Jesus Christ. People in this town will be talking about what you just did for a long time, son, a long time.

The rusted tobacco tin heart, right.

Because I mean, as much as Black people suffer from not having the opportunity-look “education” can give you, right, (and obviously people want that “look” to look, ONE, way, right), I mean, is that the problem, the only problem? Is the average Black janitor just cruising and surviving the problem? Is there nothing wrong with the leadership always anxious to prove that, Black People Can Conform Too, or whatever….?

The Christian nationality.

…. (beat) Yeah: I guess colonialism makes people different by making them alike…. Anyway.

…. It is curious how you can open the simplest, most popular-style Christian book, and it’s like: What are you ~sacrificing~. What have you Given Up. How much longer before you put church on top and the baseball team and the jazz musicals on the bottom, buddy? ~Like, domination, you know. There’s no room for the sort of—you know, and there’s a whole Bible argument about it, right, they really crossed those t’s…. But it’s like, you put it everywhere so no one can escape it, and you expect it, demand that it, light everyone on fire, right…. Until the whole world’s burned up, because there is more than one Element, right!…. You know: it’s like, if you’re specifically an atheist, and that’s the conversation, atheist-Christian, or whatever, (and it is kinda capitalized-uncapitalized, in their minds, right?….), I mean, sometimes they just curse you out, basically: but other times they’re like, you know, Sometimes I wonder (vague abstract idea about God)…. Just think about that. Have a blessed day; or else they’re, You know, BONO is a Christian; you know, COMMON is a Christian, (that took longer, because I don’t know him, or rap, as well, but I think he is a Christian, Common), right—and you’re supposed to go, Wow…. The freedom! I don’t have to…. All I have to do is…. ~Right? “That’s right: eternity verity is yours; you only need to….”

But then, try reading a book of like, 150 small pages that’s a Christian book NOT designed as Christian-Atheist dialogue, right: it’s like…. Man, fuck your baseball team. Fuck your classic Eighties dramas. Fuck your polite love songs most people don’t like. What have you done for THE LORD? ~And it’s like…. Who is this lord you serve, right? Why can’t he be polite like some of the other gods are?

Why does he bait and switch?

~Ah, well, for you and me to bait and switch would be a sin: but HE, is, THE LORD….!

…. It’s like, you go from being a New Customer, (have we got a deal for you!), to an employee who might be fired and then become part of a criminal investigation if you don’t buckle down and produce, right. 😣😗

…. The other weird thing is how Christian churches are named, right. It’s never like, “Rival Church: Because other churches, ain’t doing shit”, right—it’s always like, “Church of the Holy Generic Theist: Because Non-Atheism, Brings Us…. Light”~ and then you walk in, and it’s like, “BUT, five peasants Escaped from the Holy Massacre of 1572: and THAT, is why, OPRAH happened—the chain of mis-belief was never truly broken!”

~Right, like…. There are like five million Christian churches, much to the dismay of the “Christian unity” feeling: they feel like there should be like a church war of conquest, right, take away this “choice” shit from the consumer/believer, (having choices about breakfast cereal is bad enough! Think of those massacres in the Middle Ages! When will we get back our faith!), right…. And yeah, but the actual church names are Always Code, lol; like you’re Never supposed to be able to figure out, right…. Like, even race, right. I guess the AMEs have “African” in their name, but very often the white church and the Black church are named so similarly right: it’s like segregationist code—you’ve gotta keep it a secret; and you can’t actually advertise anything divergent about your community, right; even though you’re secretly thrilled that it’s…. Like, NO, granny, not the Church of the Holy Redeemer: I go to the Church of the Eternal Sacrifice…. (lowers voice) the other place is full of epithets…. ~And it’s like, they know there’s Something wrong, but it’s always processed like: those damn liberals won’t let us have a church war on conquest, clean up this damn mess! (slaps knee). All we need is to burn down the epithet churches…. Well, and I guess we couldn’t stop there, right…. (flips through history book) The Great Battle of 1583…. (sigh) One day: the victory will be made, complete! (jumps into air and starts flying)

~But it’s like: there’s never a Black church named like, Church of the Holy Black Dove, you know…. Sometimes churches have somewhat creative names, but they never translate to anything, in real life, you know: “Oh, the Church of Mary the Holy Mother: so what is it, you like have liturgy that’s about Mary, or want mothers/femme-y people to feel especially nurtured, in this place….?” “No, liturgy to Mary would require a cleansing holocaust. All the priests are men, of men, from men, for men; men are the best…. (shrugs) Although it is true that without mothers, you couldn’t have patriarchy. But yeah, I don’t know: we were just bullshitting when we named this church, right….”….

Like, the Black people are like, “Well, we thought about calling it Blacc Church, but the guy from the company for terrorism insurance was like, ~ (frowns, extends hand and shakes it, to indicate, “no”)”~ and the white people are like, “Well, this is a church for white Christians, I guess we should just call it, God Church, you know: because what other religion could there be, other than White Christianity, right….”

…. And yeah it’s like: “One time I met an epithet, he was scared of me! Terrified! Didn’t say One thing, that I wouldn’t have said. (points at self, smugly) Because after all, EYE am an AMERICAN…. (beat) But yeah, that epithet was a good preacher. He sang good work songs for the slaves…. Without having them believe in, ‘works’!”

~And it’s like, there’s literally a prayer, “We must see beyond…. The expected”, and it’s like: where do you start with that?

…. Perhaps this wouldn’t be the wrong place to say—since it is rather legalistic, like the majority of Christian devotions, right; they’re like, “Christian Law for Dummies”, right—and don’t say “grace”: grace is the reward for obeying the law, that is, the ministers of grace, no…. But yeah: and I realize I cannot answer this question, (I suppose perhaps it cannot be answered: for this very reason), since you do not understand what you do not love, and I see now that I never ~loved~ their god, right…. I took back my curses and I learned from him; I even felt sorry for him I suppose…. But love? Never—Yes, what is it that is so ~~unattractive~~ about their god, that the soldiers of grace worry that the slightest exposure to others gods, in the most disorganized way, contrary to the general way of society, even, it seems to me—you’d think they’d want to show people that strange things are not all amiss: but no, that is not how they think; even the most liberal Christian taking even the most “gracious” (if that is a good thing) liberty with the Bible of the fathers, you know—let alone to say…. I mean, can you imagine a Christian encountering another religion the way we all have theirs shoved down our throat, right…. I mean, they flatter themselves that they are not Hitler’s apostle to the Jews, anymore, right: because they are good Old Testament stock and need their empire back again, as it was in the days of the fathers…. But can you imagine a real, Yiddish, Jew, right: or the most conciliatory Buddhist—god knows if it was a Muslim, it would come to blows; and if it were my people, well…. You know, the slightest disorganized exposure to other religions: the book store, and the internet, for most people, (and maybe ONE or TWO books in the library, right: because people Vote on that shit!), right…. And the relaxation of threats if you don’t go to church—only one of the political parties stigmatizes it, basically, instead of both, you know: like the stigmatization is a matter of faction; the general trend is simply towards exhaustion, right…. And the soldiers of their god declare that they have lost the fight, you know. People did not lose the Native way except by violence, you know. And in many places much of it remained after the new way had been introduced and been quite successful, even…. But it was only to violence that their god trusted, it seemed, violence and stigmatization: not success and popularity…. In the first way, there was no promise of things that wouldn’t happen to people they wouldn’t happen to, and no threats impossible to take place, in the way described…. I mean, there are descriptions of moral consequences, right: and then there’s controlling people, you know…. And before the coming of their god, there was never a question of threats to force initiation on people: the system wasn’t perfect, as no class system is in an age of occasional want, but clearly it is sound that initiation is a responsibility and a privilege, not…. I mean, there was never any question of threatening people for remaining among the once-born, you know: for walking, I suppose you could call it, “the way of all the earth”, or “the way of the foolish”, since it is a foolish initiate who scorns the Earth or the Fool, you know. (shrugs) But I do not know their god, since I do not love him; I cannot say what happened, right.

~Although it is sad that Blacks can almost only be alone together with Nordic Jesus leering down at them, like a spy, you know…. Many Christian books written by Blacks you can read, you know, not knowing that whites and Blacks don’t mingle like Irish and Italians, right, the differences must be so trivial…. Though I suppose most white followers of their god try on most occasions NOT to read Black books, unless they literally did not know, right, (and then, they congratulate THEMSELVES, no)…. Since after all, they say that they follow the One, and white people are everybody. Even epithets must take notice, of such a cosmic doctrine, or seriously risk disgrace at the hands of Mother, you know.

But sometimes there is no just way to describe injustice—wouldn’t you agree?

…. It’s like: you are forgiven by grace of our own goodwill and not yours, without your having done anything: but only if you do as you’re told, and we tell you what to do without regard to how your feeling, or what manner of day it is. Those are our principles: anything else would be license and astrology.
~Christian Law for Dummies

…. I don’t want to repeat what I was thinking before: the oracle implied when I get that angry, I don’t see straight; I just become a deluded little girl, right…. And though one need not be an Old Man Merlin, I do not consider it initiate to lose control like that: if within yourself you are out of control, you are entirely ordinary and base, right…. Though of course, it wouldn’t happen if I had enough time to recover, between one beating and another, instead of about half as much time, right…. Sometimes it seems like one meets with nothing but callousness, or else disgust…. One’s entire lived experience of Christianity in the world is almost all disgust, you know…. And I become not a little angry at the church ideologues who tell one one’s own lived experience has no reality: it presents the idea in my mind, and not just a little, to curse not only the shills and patsies and rascals, but the Shill and Patsy who was there in the beginning in Galilee, right…. Christian men and women vie with each other in unholiness: sometimes I do not know who I hate more, the men for digging a path in the earth that goes nowhere, or else the women, for consenting to be other than themselves, right…. I know I am a deluded little girl who is angry at her mother—and what is church culture if not the abusive parent; yes, I do not hate my family: but I hate, The Family, it seems to me like a system of corruption, almost organized crime…. And yeah, I hate how deluded and melodramatic and divorced from reality I must seem: but oh, How I hate them!…. I wish I could curse them to the sort of hell they imagine they have created with their prayers, though it does not and cannot exist!….

But yes, I pray I may not sin: even against their god, right. It would be entirely common and base to add to his abject misery, never far from the imagination of his followers, or really the Collective Unconsciousness of the Family, in this devil-blasted age of the world, you know….

~Yeah, and while I do not think myself “not a nice person”, in the conventional sense, (worthy of the disgust of a Christian Family), clearly it would be credulous to imagine myself always a “nice person”, in the Christian sense—“saved by grace through no merit of my own, and an upstanding member of the body politic through no merit of my own, and a supporter of the communal system of oppression in my inmost thoughts—practically perfect, you know….”, nor indeed am I always a “nice person” in any other sense, right. I am not always a nice person—I simply am what I am, right.

And if that is not good enough, then perhaps like some Jane Austen clergyman, (perhaps) I sincerely (👌) apologize, you know.

~You know: sometimes people apologize to you, and it just makes you want to say, Shut your mouth, you damn rascal!, ~right? I’ve been on both sides of it, in my life, so I don’t think now that it’s…. I mean, it’s the system, right. We’re trained how to trouble each other….

…. And it’s like, obviously I am caught in the net, caught in the trap of inherited patterns, and clearly it wouldn’t be happening to me if I had made good my escape, right…. I mean, for all its utility for their ideology, Christians don’t ACTUALLY respect weakness, right. They’re most likely to reach out and shame you and try to get you to reject yourself when you’re feeling a flutter of self-doubt and conflicted judgment, right…. But it’s also clear that I didn’t MAKE the goddamn net, right. Like, they react to you like they were frolicking in the glen until you came and took it away, when the whole Point is, they don’t think there should BE a glen, and it’s your job to protect them from their fear of themselves; their fear that they’re not angels in heaven, their disgust with random muck and grit, right, ugliness…. I’m assuming it’s ugly to them, lol….

Although yeah, I get it— Threads meme: “When somebody puts an oatmeal raisin cookie in with the chocolate chip ones.” (Emperor Palpatine) “The attack on my life has left me scarred and deformed….”

—Although that is EXACTLY….

Although I know when I get like that, it’s how you say it, not what you say: all the gods hear is like, Oh, he’s trying out for Home Alone 3: Persephone in New York, right….

~This is an aside, but it is funny how even after all these years, the “center” of America is thought to be much closer to New York than California. Although it isn’t New Jersey—fuck Jersey, right; anybody THAT boring, deserves whatever happens…. Although the sitcom New York is made to seem subtly suburbanified, right…. But yeah, if it’s Christmas or crime; it’ll never be California. Someone living under a bridge must be in New York. California is the Nearest Far Away Place, the Optionally-Identifiable Other, the place we go on vacation, (if we’re cool), but if it has problems, they’re like, “sin in paradise”: they’re not, MY problems, you know…. And Kansas, Nebraska…. Although yeah: Bruce Springsteen could be like, The Center of America is in Kansas! ~And the conservative capitalists or whatever, will be like, The New York Jews gave him money! 😠

…. But yeah: hoomi turns beauty into ugliness…. And not only that: his God’s grace does not bring joy; and the rules of his priests and leaders don’t help…. Yeah, hoomi is in a bad state. But, I’ll just repeat it, until it sticks: It is not how happy you are, but how well you conform—that makes you happy.

…. It’s like, one of the most unpleasant aspects of anger, is the self-doubt it fuels in you, right…. But now coming back to this, it’s like, what IS this, if NOT “Christian Law for Dummies”, right…. It’s like, ~every~ thing is like: Lord, put more shit on me; make me your pack-horse, O Lord. Remind me how sickly and feeble I am. Increase my sense of obligation, O Lord!…. Whip me, God of gods, king of kings! I can take it…. And occasionally, like: Jesus, thank you for making my life so easy. I’m sorry for getting so resentful…. And then: God, if you love me, place your saddle on my loved ones, and ride them into the promised land—for your glory, O my king.

It’s like, I’m led to speculate that it’s like you can’t, write, a book for the “general public” of Christianity, unless it’s, you know: “1001 Things to Sacrifice, And Then After That, You Can Die”, you know…. God, no wonder they are resentful towards liberals, right! You mean, all this time, I thought I had no choice but to face life with nothing but disgust and sacrifice, and all this fucking time, I could have been riding along with the high and the mighty, with their strategic map rooms, ancient language dictionaries, and fucking shit like that? Fuck, some people even learn mind hacks to improve shit in their day to day lives, and learn emotional skills that help give them a sense of satisfaction! That doesn’t sound Christian to me: but at this point, I don’t care! Fuck this shit!

~You know: or else you just kinda put up the movie poster for the next film in the “Donald Trump” series, right…. Or else, if you’re Black, I guess you just have to admit that ~~there is no political party that represents you, right~~, because you may like to vent about “secularism and drugs”, or whatever it is…. But do you think that the KKK and white resentment is going to be won over by that little act? Are you that credulous?…. But does lack of an outlet make resentment, go away, right? (People build strategies up, as if it were a sure thing!) It’s like, at least you’ve still got your gendered Bible study group, to aid you in your struggle against your family, right….

…. And yeah: re church people—I get that not everybody who sits in the seat and sings the songs and listens to the talk and sits and eats bagels after, is anything other than a victim, you know, at least primarily or, previously-in-time, if you wanted to be legalistic, right…. And not every talk-giver, even, is necessarily anything but somebody trying to get the ship off the rocks to inspect the damage to the hull, you know, (although clearly some preachers are profoundly alienated and alienating people, in any census demographic, and some people who go to church go there to grind their axe, no matter how open the church itself tries to be, right…. The talk could be about anything at all, the conversation over bagels could still be that atheists or Hollywood or Hindus or whatever, you know—anything you like ☄️👹)…. But yeah: it is funny how a Christian gendered devotional is like, exactly the same material as…. I mean, you’re a philosophical-feminist-leaning-Christian who thinks they’re not a $75 Greek manuscript analysis anti-pop freak, right; you’re like, I just won’t get the devotional with “men” or “women” in the title, right…. It’s like, if the author is a man, it’s still “Christian Law for Men for Dummies”, right: or if a woman, for Women for Dummies, right….

It is funny how that is the extent of the church’s “gendered” notions, right: I mean, in a sense, they can be quite elaborate and well-enforced, but boiled down to it, it’s like, the cosmic un-gendered abstract force is cosmic masculinity; to obey it, be a man who obeys the laws and concepts. Remember, nobody is anything without the laws and concepts! And remember to get married and have children so you can keep your wife and kids in line. Society wants you to be at the top of a pyramid, and also wants you to have debts and obligations that it can use to manipulate you, right. God, we don’t need any outliers….

It is kinda funny how the statement, “God, we don’t need any outliers”, kinda explains the church doctrine of gender: and yet, in itself it says basically nothing about gender, right. It’s just a generic statement you could say about any sort of difference: about anything at all.

I of course aim to live a good life, not a life that searches for and describes the bad, right: I’m not a journalist. As I move away from Christianity, I deemphasize church culture things that get in my life. However, I do think it’s curious to figure out the things I put in my mind for all those years, you know: like, there are more levels to the error than you imagine at first, and it’s kinda wrapped up in a collective mind-puzzle that it’s not easy to make good your escape from….

~You know, again: as much as making a map of the Labyrinth, and getting a crappy iPhone camera photo of the Minotaur, isn’t the point of the exercise, right…. It’s hard to explain. But yeah: I may be a pessimist, but I don’t think that getting out of any Labyrinth of the size and complexity of what we’re talking about, right, is at all the work of a single day, right. Nor a single year, when you come right down to it.

…. It is kinda funny how church ideology is much more comfortable with the woman who makes coffee and does the dishes for people, than the man who watches basketball or football or something, right. I realize both of those things are constructed, right—women can be pretty good at basketball, actually, and men can work in a kitchen if you pay them—but yeah, church is kinda more comfortable with ordinary women than ordinary men; it’s funny. It’s like, “Oh, I get to be a drudge! I get to make coffee for people! OMG, and it’s Jesus!” vs, “Hmm…. But am I, IN CHARGE, of the church….?” It’s like they have to go: but you’re in charge of your family!…. THAT is why you don’t need to go to the gym and build muscles anymore!…. As a Christian man you command people because ~~as a Man of God, you Deserve Respect~~, NOT, because you could win a fight, right!…. ~It’s like, always-hierarchy, never-fighting, right…. Like, a sorta, delusional elitism, right….

…. And yeah, it’s funny how the TOPICS of the prayers are great, you know: relevant, “A Prayer for Success on my Job”, and not, “A Meditation on the Bondage of the Will”, right: but the CONTENT of the prayer is always like, “God I pray you would remind me of my obligations; load me up like a pack-horse, O Lord….” ~Like, was it one of the Godfather movies where the guy is like, As soon as I think I’m out, they keep dragging me back in?….

…. And yeah: may I promote peace by conquering liberalism and condemning sin in this decaying world…. May I lead the charge into battle, O God. May I end the war. In the Name of the Unity, who reigns for ever and ever, world without end, amen.

…. It’s funny how church culture is so pessimistic about turning people into Pharisees (in the generic religious-legalist New Testament sense of the word: the NT obviously isn’t necessarily a very trustworthy document in terms of learning about the Jewish faith, right), that once you become a man on fire for the law of the Bible or whatever, the law of the church, then suddenly, you can no longer find any prayer in any prayer book that has anything to say about your condition, right…. “But I hate social media. I make fun of and mock social media without spending any time on it. All my friends are like that. A LOT of people are like that actually…. So how do I cut out social media?” 🤔

…. It is amazing how much you can learn from community, from other people, from the other personality types, and not just from books of rationalism and the people who present, to a rationalist culture, as being the clever sorts, and how beneficial it can be not to cut people out or whatever just because they believe in all sorts of credulous-at-best church shit: and it is amazing, given how church writers prattle about “relationship” and whine and fume, directly or indirectly, at the chemists or whatever, (“the science of dead things”, Crowley says that the old alchemists would call most of our science)—it’s amazing just how LITTLE of that, has ANYTHING to do, with the at times pernicious and usually vacuous, ramblings of Christian ideology, you know.

…. But yeah: the actual emotional content, rather than the story/theory about church and family, right, would be: I’m just tired of people shaming me, you know. There is a structural and conceptual layer, but the emotional output is like: people just can’t imagine family or church without shame, and it just short-circuits my wires, after awhile, you know.

And yeah: not least because I have spent innumerable months of my life Christian, you know…. The generic Christian writer isn’t the only one who lets his mental sharpness and sense of discipline cut him into ribbons, right: that’s me in spades….

~And it funny, because as important as religion both is and should be, it’s amazing what good even secularization can, at least sometimes, do, right. Sometimes your boss at work IS just the generic man and not the “commercial” sort of personality, but when you do meet with that person, it’s amazing: what they know about life, that I don’t…. And it would be fun to throw a big party for myself and my not-yet-met friends to celebrate various accomplishments: but the real attraction is that there IS a sort of knowledge Very distant from discipline, shame, and vacuous abstractions: and very often, that’s not a wisdom they have to share at a church, you know. Not even a “nice neighborhood” church; it’s weird…. It can be very, very ~~weird~~, right….… (lisätietoja)

Let the Power of God's Names Transform Your Daily Life

The many names of God reveal His characteristics and contain powerful promises to you as a believer. Each of these 85 devotions introduces you to one of God's unique names and includes a key Scripture, practical application, and encouragement to help you in your everyday life.

Discover the rich blessings waiting for you when you encounter God as...

Elohim - the Strong Creator God
You put the universe together with Your words—thank You for knowing how to put my life together as well.

Jehovah - the Relational God
You rule over all, and yet You also seek a relationship with Your creation. You are worthy of all praise and worship.

Adonai - Master Over All
Thank You for being my Lord and my Master and yet allowing me to know You intimately.

...and many more!

This beautifully designed devotional makes an ideal gift or a great addition to your own quiet time with God.

Top Highlights
“When you’re tempted to make a decision without consulting the Lord, remember” (source)

“Our goal in life should be to reflect God’s glory and goodness” (source)

“Maybe you’re having a banner year with your working out, Bible reading, or professional life. But it’s pretty rare to be in a place where you’re always going strong—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.” (source)

“He is a God who defends the oppressed, frees those in bondage, and restores what has been lost” (source)

“God makes Himself known to us as Jehovah—the relational God.” (source)… (lisätietoja)

This was my first book by Tony Evans, and what a blessing it was!! I had been searching for a book that would help me make sense out of the 16-year period of intense trauma (caused by a family member) that I had just endured. I survived, and I’m glad it’s over. But it left me feeling completely derailed and not at all the person I used to be. I’ve been searching for a book that could help me move forward again and make some sense out of that period in my life. Turns out this was the book! Not only did it answer every question I had, but it also gave me a tremendous sense of peace. If you’ve experienced similar trauma and need clarity, I highly recommend it.… (lisätietoja)