It's not the best story you'll ever read. But its so different from whats out on the shelves that it stands out. ( )

A book like this is teflon from a critical standpoint. If I say I didn't like it because of the way it used comic book tropes, you'll accuse me of not understanding that it's a satire of those tropes. If I say I didn't find it funny, you'll say it's because I was to offended by it's edgy content.

But I did understand the satire, and I wasn't offended in the slightest. And yet, I intensely disliked The Pro, not because it was satire, but because it was lazy satire. And I didn't find it funny, not because I was offended, but because I found it offensively bland.

You ever watch some of the stuff that's on Adult Swim these days? They had some success with "omg so random" shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and now they're desperately trying to recapture the same lightning in a bottle with a slew of "super edgy and offensive off the wall comedy" cartoons. But none of them are really funny. They're like "Trying Too Hard: The TV Show". Well this is Trying Too Hard: The Comic Book.

The basic idea here is that an alien grants a prostitute super powers to prove that anyone can be heroic. So we have our main character, who is a foul-mouthed, generally craptastic person, and she gets super powers and is recruited by The Super Satirical Justice League. They have the Superman-like character, who is strong and powerful but dumb. We have Batman and Robin, who are super gay because those characters are gay lol. We have Wonder Woman, who has huge tits because woman. We've got a black Green Lantern who talks stereotypical jive (or at least, what it sounds like when white people try to impersonate jive). And we've got a cross between Flash and Aquaman who is gay because holy shit have I mentioned how funny I think gay people are?

The Pro doesn't really fit in, she gets The League into some trouble, generally embarrasses them, but ultimately saves the way. But not without lazy attempts at offensive comedy, as well as a 5-page long soliloquy which may as well have been Garth Ennis's personal essay about the state of comic books and how they oversimplify good vs bad. There's even a little bit of right wing fascism thrown in, when referencing how real problems are solved by the people willing to bomb hospitals and schools because there are sometimes bad guys in there, I almost felt like I was reading a Frank Miller book for a minute.

There are a few minor chuckles throughout the book, some clever situations that the characters find themselves in. But most of the humor is derived from the main character calling people twats and cunts, which is funny because she's a lady and ladies don't talk like that.

I don't know, it's not BAD really, but there's nothing particularly good about it. Not a single aspect of the "satire" is a new observation or keen insight, it's just the same jokes at the expense of comic book cliches that have been around for decades, wrapped in a faux-offensive candy shell to make it seem edgy. It's like the comic book version of a kid throwing a tantrum in the corner to get more attention. Nobody cares, kid, you're not impressing anyone. ( )

Vulgar, but fun! I'm often disappointed (or simply grossed out) by Garth Ennis, but this book worked. Perhaps because it's so short.

Amanda Conner's art is awesome, as always. In the hands of a less skilled artist, it would have been a disaster. ( )

I don't know why I continue to punish myself by reading Garth Ennis material. I should just face the facts and admit that his, er... style is not for me and move on with my life. Thing is, I'm still curious just what it is the kids see in Ennis. Surely there can be no appeal found in his storytelling abilities, which are at best a lame Alan Moore pastiche. Is it just the violence? The coarse language? The anti-God, fuck-the-world, we're-all-gonna-die messages? Or maybe it's just the T&A? Horny teenagers tend to overrate anything with a healthy amount of boobs and booty on display.

With lowly expectations I delved into The Pro, a 2002 one-shot from Image Comics which asks the question that never once in the course of human history crossed anyone's mind - What if prostitutes had superpowers? A parody version of Uatu the Watcher, named the Voyeur (who sits in a cloaked ship in space and watches Earthlings doing naughty things with a box of tissues constantly at-hand - cue eye rolling), randomly decides to bestow superpowers upon a hooker who happens to catch his eye. Next thing you know, The Pro is forced into a parody version of the Justice League, named the League of Honor. Ohhh... I get it! Garth is so clever! Hee hee. The author is telling us just how dissatisfied he is with contemporary and evil mainstream comics! In the parody versions of the superheroes in the League of Honor, you'll read all kinds of unique, never-before-told jokes that are most certainly NOT worn out...

Like:

* Wonder Woman is secretly a lesbian!
* The black guy always dies first!
* Batman and Robin are actually lovers!
* Superman is a big, virginal dork!
* Nobody likes Flash!

Wow, Mr. Ennis! Tell me more!

As it turns out, all the villains the League encounters are lame, and neither they nor the heroes they battle are in-touch with any 'real-world' issues. I then discovered that The Pro, while attempting to bitch slap the comic book industry on one hand, is also secretly cavorting as a post-9/11 knee jerk reaction piece. Ennis wants us to know that it is pointless to have any hope for the world, and that if any 'heroes' are to succeed in this day and age, they need to be just as ruthless as a terrorist, because we need to take the fight to them... or something. The stance here is about as muddled and juvenile as the atheist gimmick in the Preacher series. The only thing missing was a few lines about how America brought 9/11 on itself. I'll switch on some cable news if I want to hear folks' dogmatic ranting about this sort of thing, thanks.

What of the more primal things then? You know, the aforementioned sex and violence? The real reason anyone actually reads this sort of stuff. Well, as expected, the blood and gore is amped up to eleven, the artists leaving very little to the imagination. You get to see terrorists with their arms ripped off or the lady villain get her face smashed in followed up by an open-mouthed golden shower finale courtesy of The Pro. Maybe I'm just getting soft and jaded in my old age, but none of this had any effect on me. The language is pretty much a f-word or s-word every few lines, which will be no surprise to readers of previous Ennis fare. And the sex... it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be, given the premise and all. Still, I didn't find it all that titillating to see panels of a hooker with a nasty crack rash giving faux-Superman a BJ. Again, maybe that's just me.

Though the sex-starved fourteen year old boys will dig The Pro, it's not the sort of funny book I'd care to ever look at again. Not as woeful as Preacher, but I've still yet to find anything redeemable or remarkable about the scribblings of the highly regarded Mr. Ennis. ( )