This book blew me away. Despite the feeling that the primary subject, Sam was a train wreck I just couldn’t look away. Janice was an amazing witness and advocate. It was a compelling read. ( )

Most interesting memoir: This is Janice Erlbaum's second memoir. Her first book told the story of her own teen years - years in which she was a runaway and a shelter resident who successfully transitioned out of that life. In Have You Found Her, Erlbaum writes about her experiences twenty years later as a volunteer at that same shelter. Because she was a writer at the time, she carefully documented in a journal what she did, what people said, and her feelings as she kept a weekly commitment as the "Bead Lady" who helped the girls make jewelry on Wednesday evenings.

As a volunteer, Erlbaum went through training which emphasized not having favorites among the residents, not giving gifts and certainly not giving out telephone numbers or personal information. She became obsessed with being at the shelter, looking for "the one that reminds you of you." While there she meets a homeless junkie, Samantha (Sam). Sam becomes Erlbaum's special friend at the shelter and Erlbaum is moved to try to help this girl get on her feet. Sam develops several illnesses and is hospitalized, sent to drug rehab, re-hospitalized and becomes more of a burden than Erlbaum had bargained for. Yet she cares very much for Sam until a peculiarity in Sam's diagnosis begins to affect her feelings.

Janice Erlbaum relates this piece of her life with the flair of an excellent novelist. I found myself forgetting that this wasn't a story that would have a reasonable resolution. When Erlbaum begins to investigate Sam's illnesses and then search for her birth family, the book read like a mystery thriller- and I could hardly put it down.

I enjoyed the book very much and am quite impressed with Erlbaum's ability to tell her own tale with such aplomb.

Armchair Interviews says: Good book group discussion questions are at the back of the book.

Janice Erlbaum tells her story, and the story of a homeless girl named Sam, in this twisted and brilliant memoir.
I admit I was hesitant to read this when my friend first lent me her copy. She said she could not tell me what it was about, as it would spoil the story, and she was right. There is no way to describe this book that would do it justice.
The story is almost too good to be true, and it is so engaging that it will linger in your mind long after you finish the final page.
It is a quick, fascinating read, and I cannot say more without spoiling it. ( )

The reading guide mentions that someone suggested the title for this book to be Sucker: A Love Story. That makes sense. The author did a great job explaining the appeal of being codependent in an unequal relationship.

Favorite lines:

"But I'd loved her. Or I'd loved the way she made me feel about myself. I'd loved the person I was when I was with her--competent, maternal, adult--but had I ever really loved her? How could I? I didn't know anything about her. And once I did, I didn't love her at all."

On being the "bead lady" at the shelter: "I should have cured homelessness already. Instead, I had decorated it."

"Stillness--that's what it felt like, that first week she was gone. An electric, living stillness, the feeling of stasis rubbing against change. The hum you hear when you meditate, the loudness of nothing...I felt empty. It didn't feel so bad." ( )

I was kinda freaked out a little in the beginning of this book as the author seemed so overly obsessed with the runaway girl she is trying to help, it felt like an unnatural attraction. As the story proceeds, she addresses this though and put me more at ease. It wasn't to hard to figure out what was really going on in the story, but she did an excellent job of threading it along. Very good book. It made me want to read her other book so another one found to go on the wish list. ( )