37. My Life as a Traitor (Audio)] by Zarah Ghahramani, with Robert Hillman, read by Marjanne Doree (2006, 260 pages in paper format, Read June 18-27)

Ghahramani was a 20-year-old Iranian college student in Tehran in 2001 who got involved in a crowd critical of the government. She found herself arrested off the street, and incarcerated in Iran's most infamous prison, Evin. She alternates chapters recounting her interrogation, beatings by guards, conversations with other inmates through cell walls, with chapters on her life before she was arrested, with a few thoughtful asides. Interesting and important, although the writing is maybe only OK. I appreciated her apparent honestly about herself. Her youth and still not fully developed or certain politics seemed to make her psychologically very vulnerable.

Among the interesting aspects here is her conclusion at one point that she thinks she was wrong to speak out as she did, that there were better, more productive, and more responsible ways to try to address the kinds of changes she wanted to address. I'll leave the many possible responses to that out of my review. I think the main value here is in what she documents.

2014
https://www.librarything.com/topic/172769#4777523 ( )

Courtesy of The Literary Snob
*May Contain Minor Spoilers*
From the beginning, I wanted to hate this book. Essentially promoted as “a young girl is tortured by Iranian zealots,” I suspected nothing more than page after page of anti-Iranian propaganda. I hear enough about how evil every other political state is, I don’t more.
It didn’t take long into this memoir, however, to realize that this author was not going to take this angle. Yes, there was the occassional condemnation of the Iranian government, but it was dealt out equally with reminders that similar dictators exist throughout the world in every country. So, I no longer disliked My Life As A Traitor for what it wasn’t. However, I did discover other reasons why this book was disappointing.
My primary complaint regarding this book was the author herself. I am not trying to belittle her experience, because I believe what she experienced was tramatic. At the same time, however, the very fact that she agreed to write this book, and that it is written from the supposed perception of a tortured revolutionary was, in itself, belittling to many who have come before and experienced true horror. Yes, she is placed in a terror-stricken prison. Yes, she was hit many times and beat on a couple occasions. Sure, most of us have no idea what this is like and, for many of us, this may be a fear we’ll never experience. But in the end, Ghahramani was imprisoned for thirty days. She was physically intact. She had not been raped. What exactly was her point in writing this book? If someone wants to read a book about the consequences of being a revolutionary, then there are hundreds of other titles more effective.
To the authors credit, she openly admits many of her flaws. After every hit, every bruise, she concerns herself with her physical appearance; yet, she repeatedly admits her vanity. She spends much of the book lamenting over her cut hair, but again she accepts that this worry is her vanity speaking. She doesn’t understand how she could end up in a place like this, but she acknowledges that she has viewed herself as a Persian Princess much of her life. But knowing these things about herself makes me wonder why she still felt this story worth telling. Perhaps it was the self-important princess mentality showing through.
Even Ghahramani’s methods of describing her torture seemed reduced to naive statements unreflective of the abuse she implies. At one point, she describes herself as “shaking all over, like a child compelled to watch a horror movie.” This is what she compares her torture to? Being in Evin prison is like a child watching It? And this wasn’t the only time that she made such meaningless parallels. My idea of an Iranian revolutionary was unfortunately dilluted. This is where I would’ve loved to know what part the co-writer, Robert Hillman, played in the writing of this book. Unfortunately, no where in the book does it even mention Hillman. Perhaps it is easier to blame him for some of these absurdities.
Ghahramani is a very strong and intelligent young woman. And I can understand why some readers enjoy this book because they see someone strong cracking under the pressure—it’s reassuring. Despite how my rant may imply otherwise, I actually respect the author for admitting her flaws and for being an example of how weak most of us really are. I can respect it, but that doesn’t mean I want to read a memoir about it. Isn’t that why I read fiction? Are there not already thousands of classical works of literature that showcase how weak humanity is? I don’t want that in non-fiction; it doesn’t resonate the same way. When I pick up a non-fiction piece I want to learn or to be inspired. Unfortunately, I was not inspired by the author’s weakness.
But, I did learn many things. And this is where My Life As A Traitor gains whatever credibility it has. Ghahramani’s knowledge helps propel the book past a simple narrative of her prison experience. Chapters alternate between her prison experience, and insights into Persian and Iranian cultures. From these chapters, I was given a better understanding of Persian culture, language, philosophy, education, and history. And though the average reader may find these parts of the book to be boring, I personally found them to be the most successful.
My Life As A Traitor is not a bad book, but it just wasn’t very memorable for me. Though I expected to hate it, in the end what I felt was closer to apathy–not for the author’s story, but for the book itself. ( )

Zarah Ghahramani wurde 1981 in Teheran geboren. Die Eltern versuchten die Tochter liberal zu erziehen. Die Macht der Mullahs machte aber auch vor dem Privatleben nicht halt.
Während ihrer Studienzeit verliebte sie sich in einen Mitstudenten und geriet dadurch in das Blickfeld der iranischen Geheimpolizei. Sie wird verhaftet und in das berüchtigte Teheraner Gefängnis Evin verschleppt.

Zahllose Verhöre unter Folter zermürben schließlich die junge Frau. Nach knapp einem Monat wird sie von ihren Schergen vor der Stadtgrenze Teherans ausgesetzt. Drei Jahre später flieht sie aus dem Iran.

Eindringlich und bedrückend schildert die Autorin ihre Wochen im Gefängnis. Erschreckend mit welcher Selbstverständlichkeit die Folterer handeln. Sie sind der Herr über Leben und Tod. Mit bereits einfachen Maßnahmen gelingt es ihnen gleich am Anfang das Selbstbewusstsein der Frau zu erschüttern. Sie wird bald zum willfährigen Opfer. ( )

A very powerful and moving account of the harsh realities of living as a young woman in Iran. Gharahmani was snatched off the street whilst participating in a student protest and then locked up in Elvin prison.

Each chapter alternates between her period of incarceration and that of her happy childhood with loving parents and gives an insight into a country where women suffer greatly under repressive regimes. Well written and although it can be harrowing at times ... a must read. ( )

Iran's infamous Evin prison, the setting of Zarah Ghahramani's dark memoir, makes Alcatraz look like a vacation resort. I picked up this book twice and put it back down before finally deciding to check it out...and I'm glad I did. Outspoken, intelligent, and admittedly vain about her appearance, Zarah is likeable narrator who doesn't flinch from graphic details. The opening chapter recounts her first experience with a nameless torturer who enjoys cat-and-mouse games. That being said, this isn't a book for the squeamish. But the sequences of prison life are balanced out with memories of Zarah's childhood. In these nostalgic flashbacks, the political situation in Iran is simplified for readers unfamiliar with the subject. Her pacing in those chapters is a little slow; all the same, it's a needed respite from grim descriptions of life in Evin.

Knowing that the author is close to my own age made me wonder what I would have done in her shoes. Do you betray your friends if it means a reprieve from excruciating abuse? How long can you hold on to your sanity, with no one to talk to and nothing to do in a dirty, squallid cell? After reading what Zarah went through in only 30 days, I can't even begin to imagine how terrible life imprisonment must be.

As much as I liked this book, Zarah delivers an abrupt, slightly unsatisfying ending that neglects to tie up several loose ends. A better conclusion would have done her story justice.

Overall, a decent read, but not something I'd choose for a lazy day at the beach. ( )