This is a first. I've subjected myself to some shit books in my time, but I generally try to go by the 10% rule--that is, if the author hasn't grabbed me in the first ten percent of the book, usually twenty to thirty-odd pages, then I'm out.

It's saved me a whole lotta wasted time.

But this one? It's weird, because I know I've read far, far worse writing. But just four pages in, by the end of the very first scene, I closed the cover and put the thing down. I will never pick it up again.

So I'm declining to even rate a book I finished something like a paltry 2% of.

What was so offensive, or so off-putting about these few pages? It comes down to a few things. I knew going in this would not be a fantastic book, but I had hoped for some chuckles, some unselfconscious turns to the reader and winking, whatever. Instead, in the first four pages, I had a guy holding a gun to another guy. That was it. He showed up, held the gun, told the guy not to talk and not to move, then after four pages of navel-gazing by both characters, all of which did its level best to be wry and sardonic but came across flat and unamusing, the gun holder disappeared.

Technically, I guess it set up a story question, but it was one that I simply didn't give a shit about, and the thoughts of another 200 pages of flat, unamusing pseudo-sardonic, faux-wry writing for a story that I already know wasn't going to be stellar? Nope.

I didn't come for the story. I came for some fun. And those first four pages were the opposite of fun.

Another good piece of work from Gardner (after his Wuntvor the Apprentice fantasy series) themed around B-movies. He conjures up another memorable cast of characters for this story - though there are some flickers of similarity to the Wuntvor books, that's all they are. I found the story interestingly unpredictable, though as with Wuntvor, Roger's slowness-on-the-uptake sometimes grates; however, what Gardner's doing is clearly throwing a hint to the audience so we can see and appreciate what's going to happen. A fun, easy-to-read book and I immediately started on the sequel. ( )