Not the type of book I usually go for, but I found myself enjoying it despite myself. A book about different types of family and of love. Heart breaking and heart warming, almost lyrical yet somehow real. I now find myself looking at rocks and stones in a whole new light. ( )

it’s the most amazing thing when you begin reading a book not expecting much more than usual, and then realize that you got, pardon the pun, a gem.
this. book. was. fabulous.

I’ve never read anything by this author before, so I was surprised at the quality of writing. it’s really, really good. it’s been a while since I’ve read a book in one day, but the flow was so smooth here I just couldn't put it down. maintaining a sense of credibility in the first person POV can be tricky for an author, and I can understand why some people felt that Cooper’s narration was too mature, but hey, sometimes kids are that way, especially ones with as much on their plates as him. I found it believable and easy to get into.
now, the important part.

I had many. this book was quite tame as far as emotional rollercoasters go, but it was still filled with angst, and the best kind at that - the kind that builds slowly and steadily. the in-depth descriptions of various gemstones were a bit strange at first, but when we read on and get to know Cooper, it all makes perfect sense. I liked both boys so much, though Cooper more so, but there were moments when I wanted to shake them and make them stop dancing around the issue!

I think that stuffing this story on the YA shelf wasn’t the right thing to do. I get it - it starts when they were still young, but so do many others, and they were spared this fate. it’s way more mature than people give it credit for. I think that everyone could enjoy it. ( )

So basically I want to strangle Jace for being a jerk.
And hug it out with Cooper because he's so strong despite being fragile.

And I totally couldn't NOT give it all stars, despite feeling a little disconnected from the story until about 27% in. The language felt a little broken in some places, but I muddled through. And gosh I'm glad I did.

And how I suffered through the story... WORDS CANNOT TELL.
But I mean this in the best way possible!
Ugh. So yes, I'm an emotional mess right now. I feel like hugging it out with strangers. ( )

It's been a little while since I read this book, in fact this was probably the third M/M I ever read. I liked this book so much it gave me an almost physical reaction at the time ( no, not that physical reaction, although I'm sure it did that also. I meant I felt so betrayed by the older step brother MC at I point that I felt sick for real.)

I would have given 4 1/2 stars because there were a couple little things I think could have been a little better.

First, let me say if you don't love angst this isn't the book for you. It is as angsty as a 90's teen drama on the WB and then some. I actually was on the verge of depression which I am going to blame on this book.

I wish the two brothers could have been enemies or at least at odds for a little longer. The scene where the younger brother heard his Dad and step brother interacting together for the first time was rough. I hurt for the kid and that could have fueled so much more animosity. At the very least I would have liked a scene where the dad gets told off a bit more for his second family drama.

I don't want to say anything else. This book really did it for me at the time. It affected me much more than other books usually do. I did take Break from reading this author after this book just to de-angst myself for a little bit. In fact I'm still holding a grudge against the older brother for something he did one Christmas break that just couldn't forgive. ( )

me, deperate, tears streaming down my face, for the entire second half of this book: PLEASE OPEN THE ENVELOPE JUST OPEN IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I WILL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK JUST OPEN IT

if theres one thing ive learned with this book and the reactions to it, its that people are way more cool about incest than i thought. like, i thought we had collectively agreed that incest is just objectively bad? or is it fine if its gay? im confused. folks be like, incest is fine but i draw the line at at consensual non-monogamy. like, what?

this is... my problem child. this is my problematic fave. i hate how much i liked it, actually. although i am ENRAGED at the ending. its really complex and i dont think i can properly rate it in stars. i have. so much to say. i dont want to spoil because i hate doing that but... it was so easily solvable y'all. the fact that the characters didnt just DO THE THING shows an absolute lack of wits thats... nonsensical. and thats the only thing wrong with the book. which is the issue.

listen, i dont do incest. by that i dont mean i dont fuck my siblings (which i dont, i am also a single daughter, so), but i also dont read incest. literally ever. gives me the heebie jibbies. but i said, ah, step siblings isnt quite the same thing, because they met when they were already preteens, so its fine! i think! and for a good while it was. and then they threw a curveball. and then we never caught it. and i need it caught because whether it goes into my favorites shelf or i iron my hands dobby-style relies on this very loose ball. and i will never know and its killing me.

this book. really has no business being as beautiful as it is. it feels violently wrong to say this, but it reminded me an awful lot of the song of achilles. you know the one? the best book ever written? in that we follow these two lil kids that met in a strange way and are immediately drawn to each other, grow up together in a way that everybody but them deems as brotherly, and its so achingly beautiful and theres imdepending doom and expectations and so much fucking longing and you literally watch them grow up before your very eyes. literally, you can see and hear the change and progression in their personalities and how they go from lil kids to teenagers to adults. its poetic as fuck and they have such a special, trascending bond and theyre working so hard to figure it out without hurting anyone and then everyone hurts anyway. by everyone i mean also me. because i cried real tears and during the second half, i cannot stress this enough, i had actual, physical chest pains. i loved cooper and jace with my whole little heart and i wanted so bad for them to find comfort and it hurt.

also, it feels extremely human. i found myself relating to the characters in little ways (not the incest thing, just the family and friends and being gay things), and- i think we should talk about the family dynamic, because THAT seems to be the thing people in the reviews are most hung up on. which is... frankly confusing to me. i thought it was fine- i expected so much worse. i think everybody dealed with things how they could manage and mostly with a lot of dignity and compassion, and im surprised to find out people seem to not... like that...?

i loved how cyclic the narration was. i have no other way to describe it, its filled with big and little nods to past scenes that keep reeling you back in and put things in different lights and subvert situations, its really smart and my personal favorite little thing that authors do, as a quirk. i also dont know exactly what kind of pace it has because i inhaled it. i read it in one sitting and yes, it was a bad idea, especially because it was past 1 am when i started it and i finished it at dawn and im too old for this goddammit, but i simply couldnt put it down. another perk: the absolute himbos, dudebros that are cooper's friends. actual embodiments of boys will be boys, but make it wholesome. would die for them.

its hard, trying to figure out how i actually feel overall. i definitely find it beautiful, but something just feels wrong. i think its the kind of story that challenges your views on a difficult topic to navigate, since its already so laced with prejudice- often justified. i think what it does is call for a study of nuance and a whole lot of empathy. its also hard not to think "its glorifying the bad thing!!!", and at the same time, when i think that, am i thinking it? is it society collectively? have i been fed this opinion? is it one im willing to challenge? does it change things if theyre not actually related? if they are, but didnt grow up as if they were? if they cant produce offspring? as individuals, wouldnt it feel like the right choice for them, considering that nothing... really happens? that they hurt nobody? that the only excuse to be apart would be other peoples discomfort? what is family, what does it mean? and does it have to mean the same thing for everybody? upon first inspection, yes. its one of those topics where its just really, really hard to imagine a different answer.

i feel like a big part of why im so reluctant to admit how beautiful i think this story was, is because i fear repercussions. like, catch me sitting here, posting this review, and then my friends reading it and being like "shit she condones this? cancelled." which, like. valid, tbh. this is not a book i would recomend to anyone, ever. i can see it being really uncomfortable and just a straight up nope for a lot of people. yet at the same time... i really liked it, man. i dont think id be even this amount of chill with it if it wasn't fiction, we know that through writing we see things through a lens and everything is heavily romanticized. but i value the piece as what it is: a really compelling story that kept me turning the pages and made me jump with joy, laugh out loud, cry real tears, look away to take a moment to absorb the heartache. i promise you, not a lot of books give me chest pains, for fuck's sake. morally, im violently torn. im a bit of a moral perfectionist -the second i think i might not be acting like the best person ever, i get big time concerned and guilty. so i really, really do wish we could have resolved The One Topic differently, so that my little heart could be more at ease. but the fact that it didnt was what had me staring at the ceiling for hours, contemplating. and i think that's not... bad? can you tell how conflicted i am?

i'd also like to add a couple more things: first of all, as i read my brain was just reacting in john mulaney quotes. namely: "not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly", and "now i must admit, things are getting pretty sticky", and "we dont have time to unpack all of THAT", and "now you've thrown him off his rhythm!" and this is relevant because i only think in john mulaney quotes when im particularly affected, he is the voice of my panic. so. that's that.

another thing: the only thing id maybe criticize aside from the elephant in the room is, i could have gone without the sex scenes. i dont mind them existing in general, and by personal prefernece, i like them to have as little detail as possible because, elegance, though i know thats a very personal, individual thing. IN THIS CASE, however, i think i'm right and i should say it. they were more understandable and fit better and needed more description in their younger years because everything is just a little sharper and has more weight, but after that... i feel like they took away from the emotional aspect of the whole thing. which really doesn't do the incest case a whole lot of good. but again: this may just be me.

and a giant pet peeve: i cannot for the life of me understand why such a hauntingly beautiful, stunningly written book has such a dull, boring title. i hate one word titles and i will never forgive twilight for starting this trend. when will it end? i cant believe its called ROCK. i get that its poetic in its own way, since the rocks are so amazingly integrated into the story (this is what i wanted for the rocks dude in Seven Tears At High Tide, btw, but that wasnt delivered), i like how well thought out and researched that aspect is, and how they serve an actual purpoe for cooper and, by extension, for jace. but ROCK?? COME ON.

anyways i have no clue how i feel about this and i literally cannot rate it. i dont know how to tally up the... things. i dont know what has more weight to me. i dont know how to judge the Thing in relation to everything else. during the entire first half i was like, oh damn oh damn OH DAMN this is going to be one of my favorite books ever, and then... i got confused. also, as a fun fact, jace is described very clearly to have dark hair and blue eyes and yet the entire time i pictured him as a young alex pettyfer because thats shadowhunter jace in my mind, so i guess the name is forever ruined for me. my mind is spiraling. im not rating her but im putting her on my favorites shelf regardless, for now, and later on ill see if the magic wears off and only the uncomfiness is left, and if yes, ill remove it.

im so conflicted. ( )