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How to Hold a Grudge: From Resentment to Contentment; The Power of Grudges…

– tekijä: Sophie Hannah

Muut tekijät: Katso muut tekijät -osio.

JäseniäKirja-arvostelujaSuosituimmuussijaKeskimääräinen arvioKeskustelut
383502,337 (4)-
The first and only comprehensive examination of the universal but widely misunderstood practice of grudge-holding that will show you how to use grudges to be your happiest, most optimistic, and most forgiving self. Secretly, we all hold grudges, but most of us probably think we shouldn't, and many of us deny that we do. To bear a grudge is too negative, right? Shouldn't we just forgive and move on? Wrong, says self-appointed grudge guru Sophie Hannah, in her groundbreaking and irreverent self-help guide. Yes, it's essential to think positively if we want to live happy lives, but even more crucial is how we get to the positive. Denying our negative emotions and experiences is likely to lead only to more pain, conflict, and stress. What if our grudges are good for us? What if we could embrace them, and use them to help ourselves and others, instead of feeling ashamed of our inability to banish negative emotions and memories from our lives? With contributions from expert psychotherapists as well as extracts from her own extensive catalog of grudges, Sophie Hannah investigates the psychological origins of grudges and also offers not-so-obvious insights into how we should acknowledge--and embrace--them in order to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships and senses of self. Grudges do not have to fill us with hate or make us toxic, bitter, and miserable. If we approach the practice of grudge-holding in an enlightened way, it will do the opposite--we will become more forgiving. Practical, compassionate, and downright funny, How to Hold a Grudge reveals everything we need to know about the many different forms of grudge, the difference between a grudge and not-a-grudge (not as obvious as it seems), when we should let a grudge go, and how to honor a grudge and distill lessons from it that will turn us into better, happier people--for our own benefit and for the sake of spreading good and limiting harm in the world.… (lisätietoja)

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näyttää 3/3
Interesting book on the benefits of holding grudges. Written in a conversational style, this is the kind of topic discussed over several bottles of wine around a campfire with friends at the beach. A new idea is that grudges are beneficial if handled correctly, with analysis and inspection. Grudges can be kept in a "grudge cabinet" and pulled out to be re-inspected periodically, and good ones kept and bad ones discarded. The purpose of inspecting and analysing the grudge is to increase wisdom, justice and satisfaction. Grudges should not be kept to harm yourself or others. Revenge is never allowed, although revenge fantasies are acceptable. The author has developed the "Grudge Fold Path", where a processed grudge should alleviate suffering, and not increase it. By denying grudges, pain and injury result. By processing them, analysing them and putting them into a mental "Grudge Cabinet", they no longer do harm. Since humans are justice seeking animals, processing a grudge and storing it in the mental grudge cabinet removes the sting to some degree, but allows you to discharge some of the anger and rage.
In addition to the mental grudge cabinet for storing old grudges until you are ready to discharge them, a "Gratitude Grudge" cabinet can store processed and analysed "Happy Thing" done to you or to others, that you want to remember.
An interesting book and recommended for vacation reading, library collections, and how to improve yourself type of people. Something new to think about and to mull over. However, if you are not the sort of person who analyses their human conversations and reactions with others, it might not make as much sense. Also, if you keep murderous grudges or are an angry sort of person, this book is not really for you either. But if you keep grudges because of slights, insults, impositions and all the other things people keep grudges for, this is a good book. Recommended. ( )
1 ääni hadden | Jan 26, 2019 |
I picked this book on a whim. I am so glad I did. Hannah makes some great arguments for the benefits of acknowledging that grudges are not always the wrong thing to have, it is how we handle them that matters. There is much we can learn from having them as often they serve to protect us. She also points out that we can be the subject of other people's grudges, something we should all keep in mind. There is a great deal to think about pertaining to grudges so I can see where referring back to this book will be something I do in the future. Thank you Sophie Hannah for writing a great book about a topic that we all can learn from. ( )
1 ääni Susan.Macura | Jan 23, 2019 |
I found this book to be a lovely real world view of how real people react to crazy and hurtful situations. It was great to know that I'm not the only one that harbors Secret resentments. The real life situations are easy to put yourself in and relate to. ( )
1 ääni TerriLayton | Jan 8, 2019 |
näyttää 3/3
ei arvosteluja | lisää arvostelu

» Lisää muita tekijöitä

Tekijän nimiRooliTekijän tyyppiKoskeeko teosta?Tila
Sophie Hannahensisijainen tekijäkaikki painoksetcalculated
Acton, HelenAvustajamuu tekijäeräät painoksetvahvistettu
Bush, JonathanCover artist and designermuu tekijäeräät painoksetvahvistettu
Grey, AnneAvustajamuu tekijäeräät painoksetvahvistettu
Sinun täytyy kirjautua sisään voidaksesi muokata Yhteistä tietoa
Katso lisäohjeita Common Knowledge -sivuilta (englanniksi).
Kanoninen teoksen nimi
Tiedot englanninkielisestä Yhteisestä tiedosta. Muokkaa kotoistaaksesi se omalle kielellesi.
Alkuteoksen nimi
Teoksen muut nimet
Alkuperäinen julkaisuvuosi
Henkilöt/hahmot
Tärkeät paikat
Tärkeät tapahtumat
Kirjaan liittyvät elokuvat
Palkinnot ja kunnianosoitukset
Epigrafi (motto tai mietelause kirjan alussa)
Tiedot englanninkielisestä Yhteisestä tiedosta. Muokkaa kotoistaaksesi se omalle kielellesi.
People believe that in order to live a happy life that they enjoy, they have to be delusional and sugarcoat everything. They pretend that bad things aren't bad, mean things aren't mean, that people are good for them who really aren't. It's better to be realistic and find a way to cope with the negative stuff. Don't sugarcoat anything – recognize the problem and deal with it. People think that to forgive and forget is the healthiest thing. It's not.
Omistuskirjoitus
Ensimmäiset sanat
Tiedot englanninkielisestä Yhteisestä tiedosta. Muokkaa kotoistaaksesi se omalle kielellesi.
Secretly we all hold grudges, but most of us probably think we shouldn't, and many of us deny that we do.
Sitaatit
Tiedot englanninkielisestä Yhteisestä tiedosta. Muokkaa kotoistaaksesi se omalle kielellesi.
A grudge is a true story from your past, involving a negative, hurtful, or suboptimal experience that it feels important to remember now and into the future.

A grudge doesn't have to be vengeful, all-consuming, and bitter. (Chapter 2, “What Grudges Are, What They Aren't [. . . ], p.49 (Scribner hardcover, 2019))
I'm going to say this in bold because it's really crucial: If someone harms you, that matters not only to you but also in the world.. The moment that you tell yourself that your ill-treatment should or does matter only to you, you're on the way to accepting a world in which no one cares about anyone else. When someone tells you, “Move on, it's not worth holding a grudge” [. . .] what they're actually saying is “The fact that you've been treated atrociously doesn't matter to me at all, and I'd like if you'd agree that it doesn't matter to you either, because then we can both stop thinking about your needs, rights, and feelings.” (Chapter 2, “What Grudges Are, What they aren't [. . . ], p.57 (Scribner hardcover, 2019))
If you've been tyrannized or wounded in a particular way in the past, you're likely to develop grudges in situations that remind you of those original, upsetting situations. (Chapter 6, “Why We Hold Grudges – Why Some People Don't, p.139 (Scribner hardcover, 2019))
For many of us, being told to forgive and move on for our own sake, while still reeling from whatever it is that some rotter has done to us, feels like a new and separate insult. In contrast, we might feel better almost instantly if that third party were to say, “What an irredeemable, unmitigated arsehole!” (Chapter 7, “The Grudge-fold Path”, p.150 (Scribner hardcover, 2019))
Once we start to follow the Grudge-fold path, we demonstrate clearly – with our willingness to form grudges and our pride in doing so – that we care about and are unwilling to brush aside some of the most important landmarks in our emotional and psychological history. The by-product of this change will be that, gradually, we will find ourselves increasingly willing and able to acknowledge and honor these emotional-history landmarks in the lives of others too. When your friend Betty says, “Forget it and move on,” she's not trying to compound your pain; she is simply passing on the received non-wisdom that has no doubt been inflicted on her hundreds of times in her life already. Once we give ourselves permission to care in a serious way about how we are treated, most of us will automatically start to extend that care to others. (Chapter 7, “The Grudge-fold Path”, p.151 (Scribner hardcover, 2019))
Viimeiset sanat
Tiedot englanninkielisestä Yhteisestä tiedosta. Muokkaa kotoistaaksesi se omalle kielellesi.
Erotteluhuomautus
Julkaisutoimittajat
Kirjan kehujat
Alkuteoksen kieli
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Viittaukset tähän teokseen muissa lähteissä.

Englanninkielinen Wikipedia

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The first and only comprehensive examination of the universal but widely misunderstood practice of grudge-holding that will show you how to use grudges to be your happiest, most optimistic, and most forgiving self. Secretly, we all hold grudges, but most of us probably think we shouldn't, and many of us deny that we do. To bear a grudge is too negative, right? Shouldn't we just forgive and move on? Wrong, says self-appointed grudge guru Sophie Hannah, in her groundbreaking and irreverent self-help guide. Yes, it's essential to think positively if we want to live happy lives, but even more crucial is how we get to the positive. Denying our negative emotions and experiences is likely to lead only to more pain, conflict, and stress. What if our grudges are good for us? What if we could embrace them, and use them to help ourselves and others, instead of feeling ashamed of our inability to banish negative emotions and memories from our lives? With contributions from expert psychotherapists as well as extracts from her own extensive catalog of grudges, Sophie Hannah investigates the psychological origins of grudges and also offers not-so-obvious insights into how we should acknowledge--and embrace--them in order to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships and senses of self. Grudges do not have to fill us with hate or make us toxic, bitter, and miserable. If we approach the practice of grudge-holding in an enlightened way, it will do the opposite--we will become more forgiving. Practical, compassionate, and downright funny, How to Hold a Grudge reveals everything we need to know about the many different forms of grudge, the difference between a grudge and not-a-grudge (not as obvious as it seems), when we should let a grudge go, and how to honor a grudge and distill lessons from it that will turn us into better, happier people--for our own benefit and for the sake of spreading good and limiting harm in the world.

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