Unorthodox
Lessons and Key Takeaways

Do not always have the last word. Ever. Listen deeply to what is being said. Look at their body language. Especially their facial cues. What are they telling you without words? What are they trying to convey?
Treat the mentally ill with compassion. They need it. Be a guiding light. Speak up about mental illness and do not be shy talking about it. The more you talk about it the more it becomes normal to not be ashamed of it. People you know suffer from mental illness. Especially at church.
Treat the intellectually disabled with joy and peace. Help them out. Hear them out. Listen to them. They are a gift.
It is not smart to talk back. To anyone. Respect those older than you. Respect those trying to teach you. Learn from their wisdom.
Come to your own ends about how the world works through questions and research deeply the medieval world and it’s attitude towards religions and living in tolerance of each other.
“I must learn silence so that only his voice can be heard through me.” (page 31) Be silent like the Finns. Speak only when spoken to. This is a skill you must learn so that you can be an exceptional conversationalist with anyone you meet. If you speak when spoken to you learn a whole lot more than talking. When you talk you are only hearing yourself and your heart not the heart and wisdom of another individual. Remember know less. Learn more. From others around you and from different cultures and how they communicate.
“God lives in my soul, and I must spend my life scrubbing my soul clean of any trace of sin so that it deserves to host his presence.” (page 31) God lives in my soul and I love Him wholeheartedly. My faith is strong and even though I struggle with mental illness I am blessed to have God in my life to guide and direct my life journey through musick and writing endeavors that I relish with joy and happiness that make me dance when I am out. I love life and God!
Dress modestly. Cover your arms and your legs with appropriate clothing so that your skin does not show. Keep your hair neat and styled.
Keep a strict kosher household.
You are a daughter of a King of Kings. Walk a spiritual walk with God looking to Him for sustenance and nourishment. Not man. Men are fickle. Be an obedient daughter to your parents. Honor your parents. Keep your disagreements to yourself about them.
“If you have no roots, you have no legacy. All our worth is defined by the worth of our ancestors.” (page 95) Your ancestral home is your home. Your family head is your family head. The head of your clan must be obeyed without rebuttal. Listen to your aunts and uncles on the side of your father. They know more than you. Learn from them. Even though you cannot see them in person. Learn from your tribe and the other tribes and clans of your ancestral land. Your family is your family. Honor your family. Honor your clan. Do not disgrace or disrespect them. Ever. Learn the rules of your clan and follow them. Also the rules of the clan of your half-brothers mother as well! Just don’t tell your mother.
Be open-minded at all times. Absorb and adapt easily to any situation or circumstance around you. Grow your mind and excel intellectually and spiritually!

Biggest Takeaway

Follow the Jewish customs devoutly. Understand them. But also live a Godly life on God’s terms first and your terms second.

Quote in Summary

“Life is for living and living is for learning. Experience is your teacher and life and relationships are your classroom.” ( )

Not as good as I thought it would be, but there was a lot of shocking information on how the Hasidic live and how they treat their women. Makes me glad to not have those beliefs...they just seem so stifling to me. Good for the author, who had courage to question her life and make a change. ( )

it's real life so it is far from a perfectly wrapped up story with a little bow on it but I felt the author and I learned so much ( )

Two and a half stars because this was a difficult read emotionally but I made myself finish it in a few hours. I knew reading this book would be emotionally heavy, and that it would seem like a long book. I knew I'd be stunned at parts, learn a lot, and be firm on my Sephardic Conservative-Reform beliefs, which are far from what the author grew up with. I was correct on all counts, but it was still a lot to process. Not even twenty percent in, I had to take a break. One thing that stunned me was the views Feldman's Satmar community had on Israel. My congregation held a 'go if you can' lecture series one autumn several years ago. I had thought it was going to be about a different angle and didn't go. Now I wonder if I'd gone, that I wouldn't have been as stunned to read the passage in the book. My heart ached throughout the memoir for Feldman as a kid, and girls like her. And who's to say the boys weren't secretly bored and anxious and feeling the same, or something? Let all kids be curious, and sometimes disobedient, and read and eat all they want!

The language is flowery at times, and her interpretations of mundane things can seem melodramatic at times, but I percieved this to be a stylistic choice that tied in well with whichever themes or timeframe the author was presenting. Sexuality, gender roles, sex and the lack of family boundaries are major themes in this memoir. More specifically, the hypocrisy and distance, and entitlement that they're treated with, is. I'm so sorry for all that Feldman went through. My heart sank as it all--just continued and slowly escalated, every step of the way.

This memoir was hyped to me as "she leaves the ultra-Orthodox community," but she doesn't consider it until into eighty percent of the book. She definitely questions what she's being taught, pretty much from day one. She rebels and reflects. Actually, it was probably chronological buildup so the audience would understand her background, her reasons, and what a big decision it would be. I realized at the eighty percent mark that I'd thought it would be a book that focused exclusively on the challenges she must have faced in building a new life, but she references it only in the last five pages of the whole book. ( )

Das war wieder mal ein spannender Einblick in eine fremdartige, weit von meinem eigenen Erleben entfernte Welt. Das Aufwachsen eines Mädchens zu einer intelligenten junge Frau, die die engen Fesseln der Religion ihrer Vorfahren abwirft, hat mich fasziniert.
Aber noch interessanter fand ich den Blick auf eine isolierte, fanatische Gemeinschaft und die von der Autorin gelieferten Erklärungsansätze, wie es zu diesem extremen Verhalten kommen konnte, haben mir sehr viel Stoff zu Nachdenken geliefert.
Ich bin gespannt auf die Fortsetzung und werde mir sicher auch die Serienverfilmung ansehen. ( )