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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being…

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (alkuperäinen julkaisuvuosi 2011; vuoden 2015 painos)

– tekijä: Dr. Kristin Neff (Tekijä)

JäseniäKirja-arvostelujaSuosituimmuussijaKeskimääräinen arvioMaininnat
422646,764 (3.73)1
"A book that teaches readers how to silence self-criticism and replace it with self-compassion in order to fulfill our highest potential and live happier, more fulfilled lives"--
Teoksen nimi:Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Kirjailijat:Dr. Kristin Neff (Tekijä)
Info:William Morrow Paperbacks (2015), Edition: Reprint, 320 pages
Kokoelmat:Oma kirjasto
Arvio (tähdet):

Work Information

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (tekijä: Kristin Neff) (2011)


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Näyttää 1-5 (yhteensä 6) (seuraava | näytä kaikki)
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself is written by Kristin Neff, a prominent researcher in the area of self-compassion. It includes research findings, a variety of exercises with room to complete them in the book, and stories from the author’s personal experience. The author draws on Buddhist teachings, and she writes that:

Suffering stems from a single source – comparing our reality to our ideals.

The book describes how self-criticism develops, and offers examples of how it can be essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy by putting ourselves down in front of others to beat them to the punch, or by undermining our relationships out of the belief that others judge us the way our self-critic does.

The author presents self-compassion as an alternative to self-criticism. She clarifies that this isn’t trying to feel good about yourself; rather, it’s about self-kindness, acknowledgement of our common humanity, and mindful awareness. It’s also not about self-pity, as self-compassion involves the recognition that feelings of inadequacy and disappointment are universally shared.

I was surprised by Neff’s argument that pursuing higher self-esteem isn’t necessarily useful. She pointed out various issues, including promotion of narcissism and the fragility of having self-esteem contingent on things outside of our control. Self-compassion involves recognizing that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and we don’t need to define our worth.

The book addresses the question of whether self-criticism might be necessary to perform effectively, and I thought that really strengthened the argument for self-compassion. Neff points out that people actually do their best when they feel confident, and self-criticism undermines that. Also, self-critics tend to “self-handicap,” finding ways of doing things that will later give them an excuse for poor performance. While that doesn’t surprise me, I hadn’t heard of self-handicapping before.

One section of the book focuses on how self-compassion can improve interactions with others. This includes a chapter on improving things in the bedroom by letting go of sexual shame.

I quite liked the author’s approach to self-compassion. It doesn’t rely on being positive or having strong self-esteem, which makes it broadly accessible. Kind of like in Brené Brown’s books, Self-Compassion incorporates research findings, but not in a textbookish way. There are plenty of real life examples to illustrate the concepts covered.

I think this would be a great read for anyone who struggles with self-criticism. And really, we could probably all benefit from a little more kindness toward ourselves. ( )
  MH_at_home | May 17, 2021 |
May have read through a little fast just to finish, but will definitely be revisiting in the future, especially the exercises. Self-compassion is something various CAPS counselors have suggested to me (current one suggested this book), and last year I did go through an MBSR weekly course. Mindfulness, or being aware of your thoughts is something I'm passably okay with, but the being compassionate to yourself is still a work in progress.

Very useful, maybe half a star off for repeating the Two Wolves story as Cherokee wisdom since it seems to be of dubious origin, and while self-compassion and mindfulness are rooted in Buddhist thought, I'm wary of any hint of Eastern fetishization. Neff never goes there but a few sentences allude to the great wisdom of the East etc. ( )
  Daumari | Dec 30, 2017 |
So much is said about Western culture being one of rampant narcissism, "me me me", etc. But neuroticism, self-hatred, and the like, is the other side of the coin that does not get discussed quite as much. The author, Dr. Kristin Neff, discusses the destructive consequences of such negative thoughts, such as guilt, shame, self-hatred, putting yourself down, harshly judging yourself, and the rest, and how our culture has been programming us to think this way, and take it as something "normal".

Dr. Neff uses stories both from her patients, and from her own life experiences, to illustrate how these types of negative thoughts can affect your life and the lives of your friends and family. As a heads-up, they are quite intense, and if you have trouble with destructive negative thinking, these will sound very familiar.

What this book does is show you methods on how to quiet those habitual thoughts that drag you down and beat you into the dust. There is "negative" thinking, which we all do, and its there to help protect us from making mistakes, or more importantly, from us repeating mistakes. This is normal. But overly negative thoughts, "You're not good enough", "You're not pretty enough", "You are a terrible person", "You should die", and so on, are, obviously, not what we need to be telling ourselves.

Throughout the book, Dr. Neff teaches us methods on how to treat ourselves like we would a cherished friend who is hurting, or a beloved child who is frightened, and not as an enemy. These methods teach us embrace ourselves as actual people who deserve love and understanding. Self-compassion helps you self-regulate your emotions so that they don't fly off the handle, inevitably hurting yourself and in many instances, the people you care for. She illustrates this with stories from her life and interactions with her husband, to give you an idea.

This book helps you with your own emotional intelligence (as a side note, the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman should be read alongside this one). It shows that you CAN be good to yourself without fear of being something akin to narcissism. You learn to forgive the way you have treated yourself, and that you are worth love, and in turn, you learn to accept others more readily and openly.

A very good read, sometimes hard to take and intense, but worth it. ( )
  Kronomlo | Jun 6, 2017 |
Interesting story of taking your son to Mongolia to meet Shamans who proceeded to whip you and ask you to wash your feminine parts with Vodka.
Unique for certain hope that your sone continues to heal and grow and you and your family do as well. ( )
  April44 | Feb 7, 2016 |
Zelfcompassie draait om drie principes. Ten eerste dien je begrip te hebben voor jezelf als je het moeilijk hebt, in tweede instantie moet je accepteren dat lijden een onvermijdelijk onderdeel vormt van het leven en ten laatste is er het onder ogen zien van de eigen emoties zonder te oordelen. Psychologe Kristin Neff ontdekte dat compassie hebben met jezelf vaak een stuk moeilijker is dan gedacht. Haar pogingen om los te komen van de problematische relatie met haar vader begonnen pas resultaat op te leveren toen ze besefte dat je pas liefde kan geven als je jezelf liefhebt. In dit boek vertelt zij hoe dat kan. ( )
  VVGG | Mar 22, 2012 |
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"A book that teaches readers how to silence self-criticism and replace it with self-compassion in order to fulfill our highest potential and live happier, more fulfilled lives"--

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