Jen Smith

the grateful dead.

drugs.

domestic violence.

buddy.

Jen Smith was a drug addicted hippie-type chick that followed Grateful Dead tours all over the country. At the opening of this memoir, we find Jen to be this fiercely independent business woman taking ownership of her brand even though it was illegal. Jen was known for growing high grade marijuana. She also kicked her heroin addiction cold turkey. While hanging out with friends after a Grateful Dead show, Jen met Greg. Greg was her ticket onto a very bumpy rollercoaster ride.

Greg was a drug dealer and an ex-con. Jen and Greg quickly became an item. Jen became a drug mule for him. Jen and Greg began to move large amount of drugs for a Mexican named Jose. Their business expanded. The money was pouring in. Jen and Greg were partying and taking all kinds of drugs like cocaine, crystal meth, pills, crack, and ecstasy. Greg soon became more and more jealous, controlling, and manipulative. Greg's behaviour soon birthed into severe emotional, physical, and vebal abuse. Jen got pregnant. Jerry Garcia died. Buddy was born. Greg got worse. Jen drank more alcohol and took more drugs. Jen never once went back to heroin.

There were often times throughout this book that I had to remind myself that it was not fiction. They got away with so much. There was always money but never peace. I wanted to just reach my hand into my kindle and remove poor Buddy from this story. He was not neglected or abused physically but he endured emotional hardships right along with his mother. Greg was so unpredictable that Jen's main focus was keeping Buddy safe which left little time for nurturing. Jen breaks away from Greg's cluthches several times but always returned high on some mind/heart numbing narcotic.

This story was a painful read for me. There were a few times I simply wanted to send it to the book graveyard. The writing was mediocare at best but that's not what turned me off. The drug that Jen was most addicted to was the luxurious lifestyle that she and Greg lived. Out of all the times in the story that she ran or got away she never ran for help. She ran to get high. No rehab. No shelter. Just more drugs, more alcohol, or another expensive trip. She was surrounded by friends that were enablers that she did not trust. She was estranged from her family. Greg weakened Jen down to a shell of a person. I honestly can't comprehend how she survived physically or health wise. By the end I was drained. The moments that I enjoyed the most were when Jen spoke about her dog JJ. I loved JJ.… (lisätietoja)