Heidi Cullinan

Possible Triggers: Autism/Depression/Disabilities
If you are looking for the usual type of M/M romance, then this one may disappoint you. However, if you are willing to take a remarkably tender, sweet story that shows how love can and sometimes does, come into everyone's life, not just those that are viewed as “normal”, then this story is going to affect you deeply. The author displayed such a sophisticated portrayal of one of the characters, Emmet....when she has him say "when you meet one autistic child, you have really only met... just one". There is no "one size fits all"...each one is different, each one coping in their own way, and presenting with their own quirks and gifts. This story is about how Emmet, a high functioning autistic college student, pursues and meets his neighbor. It's a overwhelmingly beautiful story of love and the fight for independence. Emmett has so many strategies he has developed and learned to use over the years, everything from different shirts to show his different moods, to a foam hammer that allows him to safely vent his anger. His parents are wonderful, well educated, understanding and loving. Jeremy is not so lucky, and your heart will break for him. He is almost crippled under the weight of all his anxieties, and fears, as well as his clinical depression. Jeremey’s parents are unbelievably brutal. They constantly harp at him to just "buck up and be normal”. That is the crux of what author Heidi Cullinan writes about in this story. Not only does she portray the pain and the horrible sense of unworthiness these two young men carry with them each and every day of their lives, but she also speaks about the fact that for them there simply is not and never will be a “normal”. She continually comes back to the idea that each one of us is already normal in our own way...despite that we are all different. We each have our individual strengths and weaknesses, our own emotional and intellectual struggles... “normal” looks different on each and every person. The story does not try to tell the world that “special needs” people are "just like you and me", instead she celebrates their individuality by giving us a window to look into their lives. We see Jeremey’s crippling anxieties; we feel Emmet’s frustration over not being able to express himself when he needs to the most. We feel the fears of these two young men who want and need each other...who are discovering what romance and love is with another person for the first time. This novel is stunning in its realism. We fall in love with Jeremy and Emmett because of how they fight each day to hold onto themselves, find their place in a world that doesn’t necessarily value those who are different and don’t fit into the norm. [Carry the Ocean[ is a story that reminds us that each and every one of us deserves to love and be loved.… (lisätietoja)

This is a part of a series that follows a handful of gay men in a small town in Minnesota... Marcus, Arthur and Paul, three "bears", three best friends, as they try to find their forever partners. In this story we get to see Paul, who is the neediest of the entire bunch, finally find his forever love.... well not right away... first we have to have a little bit of angst and drama. Paul is from a quite conservative family. Poor guy…. He’s a big "bear", but he’s also a big mess...a mess of anxiety, a complete lack of confidence, and some other oddities that you would never suspect considering that he is a big "bear". He has his friends, he’s dated, but he can’t ever seem to connect with the right guy. He’s lonely but he’s so tied up in his own head that he can’t see what is right in front of him. Kyle Parks. the Resident Twink. So much so that "Look at me I'm a twink" should have been written in bright, glowing florescent paint across his forehead. He finally decides he’s waited long enough and he’s going to get "his man" come Hell or high water. He starts by trying his luck with Grindr, which doesn’t work so well. Next, he tries his personal specialty, snow sculptures...and leaves a lovely creation on Paul’s front porch. I won't say what it was, but let's just say that the town was NOT amused. I, however laughed and snickered through the rest of the story. Paul is not too impressed either. He eventually enlists the help of resident "busybody" Corrina, who helps him come up with a plan of attack. Kyle, after a few more "mishaps" gets his man, and we get a very sweet holiday story. I loved this book along with poor Paul and all his drama, and Kyle and his strength and willpower to not give up his cause, even if some of his methods were a bit on the questionable side. The plot that runs through it about trying to save this small town was a great backdrop to Paul and Kyle’s love story. The little details in this book that worked so well...like Holiday movies, snow sculptures, cooking together, friends, food, family...it was a perfect way to spend a memorable Christmas.… (lisätietoja)

Imagine being a young man from a religious family in cowboy country. You’re not exactly the smartest puppy in the pile, but you try really hard and focus on what you do know...like sheep, so you manage to get by without drawing too much attention.... except for the biggest 'fly in the ointment"...you’re also gay. The Nowhere Ranch story is told by a narrator, the cowboy that's "trying to not draw too much attention" and also trying to be invisible in his Iowa hometown, Roe. The worst thing has happened...the discovery that blows his cover...his stack of gay porn which quickly results in a "godly intervention to heal" him. The result being anger and displacement that leads to a short prison term, and once he is free, Roe makes a break from his hometown. It’s a lonely existence but he gets a job on the "Nebraskan Nowhere Ranch", working for the owner, Travis Loving. It’s the perfect job for Roe. His boss is the quiet, private and respectable type; he lets him carry on with no questions, no dramas... everything is perfect, maybe for the first time in his life. Of course, Roe is his own worst enemy...he walks into the ONLY gay bar for 200 miles... and guess who is sitting at the bar… his BOSS. Roe just stood there wishing/waiting for the floor to open up and swallow him... but then it occurred to him that there was only one reason the BOSS would be there, yep...same as him. I got many chuckles listening to Roe’s story. He tells it in his own simple farm boy way without sophistication, grandeur, and he has never learned the meaning of restraint...not an ounce of pretense. Heidi Cullinan did this brilliantly. I will say that I have read books that these kinky sex plays are featured but we get it all rolled into this one.... Pony play, puppy play, play that would probably be censored if it was even mentioned casually in writing...but through it all let's just say our Roe was "quite accommodating"...as was the BOSS. Roe was so accommodating that The BOSS gifts him with an extraordinarily original birthday present. Although you could say that his present requires an acquired taste… I have found that Heidi Cullinan doesn't have any shyness when calling a kinky spade, a kinky spade...so if you have sensibilities.... ahh, just saying. I wasn't expecting the ending to be quiet so "syrupy sweet". This was not at all in line with the relationship dynamic throughout the story. Good job, Iggy Toma. This couldn't have been very easy to read out loud:)… (lisätietoja)