This book made me feel like I was in a fever as I was reading it. It was so full of tempo, it would race, then halt, linger and then move so quickly I hardly had time to keep up. And, it was so unbearably sad, so poignant in dealing with such tragic themes. I loved it, if that is the right word. ( )

I lived in such a way that the Germans might return at any time; thus I didn't quite live. (p. 45)

This book is a holocaust survivor's first-person narrative exploring the impact of imprisonment at Auschwitz on his adult life.
Then she asked me whether I suffered or perhaps even still suffer from my Jewishness aside from what I had to suffer in the past. I answered ... that I have carried this sin as my sin even though I have never committed it. (p. 56)

As the title indicates, the narrator is mourning the child he never had. His marriage fell apart after he emphatically refused to have children: No -- it should never happen to another child, what happened to me: my childhood. (p. 71)

This is a short book written in a free-form style, and yet was not an easy read. It is probably best read in small pieces and then digested through contemplation. I was not in the mood for this kind of book and probably should have set it aside. Nonetheless, I could see that, if read with proper attention, it could be a quite powerful book. ( )

Definition: Mourner’s Kaddish expresses love of God and acceptance of God’s will, even while the mourner is feeling sorrow over the death of a loved one. [See the actual English translation at the end of this review.]

Nobel laureate Imre Kertesz, survivor of both Auschwitz and Buchenwald, is a brilliant writer. As I was reading this short work, I found that I wanted to quote almost the entire book for this review. In the story, a man at a writer’s conference explains to a colleague why he refused his ex-wife a child because he doesn’t want to bring a child into a world where an Auschwitz is allowed to occur. In fact the very first word of the novel is “No,” a reference to a question on whether or not he has children. He then expounds on his reasons for that decision, and on his childhood, his marriage, and his survival experiences.

“No!” something screamed, howled within me, immediately and forthwith, and it was only gradually, after many, many years had quieted it down, that my cramp gave way to a quiet but persistent pain, until slowly and maliciously, like a malignant sickness, a question began to take distinct shape with me: “Were you to be a dark-eyed little girl? With pale spots of scattered freckles around your little nose? Or a stubborn boy? With cheerful, hard eyes like blue-gray pebbbles?” Yes, my existence in the context of your potentiality.

I’ve had family members also question the wisdom of bringing children into the world, and the first time it was put to me, I didn’t understand the reasoning behind this stance at all. Perhaps I was too naive then, though, because I do understand it now. I am a mother; I’m grateful to be a mother; but, unfortunately, there is much evil in this world, and while not my choice, I understand why people would question whether to subject their potential children to it.

1990, [1999 for English trans.], 95 pp.
Rating: 4.5/5

English Translation of the Mourner’s Kaddish
May His illustrious name become increasingly great and holy
In the world that He created according to His will,
and may He establish His kingdom
In your lifetime and in your days
and in the lifetime of all the house of Israel
Speedily and soon. And let us say amen.

May His illustrious name be blessed always and forever.
Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled
Honoured, raised up and acclaimed
be the name of the Holy one blessed be He
beyond every blessing hymn, praise and consolation
that is uttered in the world. And let us say amen.
May abundant peace from heaven, and life
Be upon us and upon all Israel.

http://1morechapter.com/2008/04/10/re... ( )

Något dylikt har jag aldrig läst. Åtminstone inte vad det gäller det stilistiska. Man får kämpa med det, men när man får in flytet är det fantastiskt. Kertesz lyckas verkligen skapa en illusion av en man som talar (eller viskar) direkt ur hjärtat, utan redigering.
Fast det gäller att koncentrera sig när man läser; det är LÄTT att tappa tråden.

Vad berättar då denne man i sin bön? Han försöker rättfärdiga sitt beslut att aldrig ha skaffat några barn. Han var själv barn i Ausschwitz, hans mor var frånvarande, han hade ett hemskt förhållande till sin egen far och hans tid i internatskola var ohygglig. Detta, säger han, kan man inte låta ytterligare en generation genomleva.
Men nog kan man väl ana en del ånger?

Jag tycker att när berättelsen lyfter, och jag inte tappar tråden, är detta en glimrande, fantastiskt gripande text som jag är säker på att jag kommer bära med mig. Länge. ( )